No Photo = Non-Starter

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This online dating tactic always mystifies me: posting a profile with no profile photo. Whenever I saw this I always wondered, why? why? why? And then I moved on to the next profile. The odds of finding your match without a photo must be 100 to 1 (don’t quote me on that). Even if you’re highly creative like one man I ran across.

After logging on to my eHarmony profile one day I received a message from digger506 that read,

Hi there, I really enjoyed your profile. Besides clearly being beautiful, I found your profile to be a refreshing blend of heart and humor. I’d love to get to know you better. You may be wondering why I have no profile photo. Due to the sensitive nature of my job, I cannot post a photo, but if you enjoy our email exchange, I’d be happy to send you a photo privately. Best, J.

Now, you may be thinking this message seems a little sketchy. I had my reservations as well. But I was also intrigued, which is what he was counting on, and I wrote him back. I quickly found out he was an archeologist doing highly sensitive work in Israel (or so he claimed). We exchanged several witty emails before he finally sent a photo. To be honest, I was nervous as hell as I clicked on the attachment. Please, please don’t be a penis!

The photo popped up on my screen. Phew! No penis. But I was sorely disappointed. Not because I was expecting Ryan Gosling (okay, maybe I was hoping), but because he was SEVERAL years older than me. Like, could be my dad or grandpa, older. So much for the unrealistic, romantic fantasy I had created in my head. Stupid girl. I didn’t want to be rude, so we exchanged a few more emails before I politely told him that it wouldn’t go anywhere. And I never replied to another email from a guy who didn’t have a photo.

You may hate the truth that humans are visual beings who require some attraction or physical chemistry in order to establish a romantic connection, but it doesn’t make the fact any less true. Sure, you can develop attraction over time, but that route isn’t practical in the online dating world. You may think you can get away with not having a photo and suck them in with your witty, clever, and engaging profile, but don’t kid yourself. We all want to see a photo.

So as I advised in my previous post, select a photo that best represents you, hold your head high and trust that you’ll attract the right person. (You may also attract the wrong person, but that’s a whole other post.)

Also, one other quick note: only posting a photo from the neck up does NOT count. Especially for us women. When I asked several men for their biggest pet peeve about online dating, the majority of them responded with women who only post a face shot. Yes, they can be shallow. Yes, they can be judgmental. But what’s worse: having them reject you online or in person? Plus, sometimes you may be pleasantly surprised. I’ve met a LOT of men who prefer women with body types other than Victoria Secret models, but you’ll never know if you don’t give them a chance.

So what’s the take-away? Post a photo. A full body photo. Even if you have a fuller body.

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2 thoughts on “No Photo = Non-Starter

  1. Yes, I agree. When someone does not post a photo yet pursues those who do, it would set my warning lights off. And this is coming from an anonymous blogger who uses a sea turtle photo (haha, which is ok since this is not dating site).

    I bet that is something that many people struggle with–how can I post the perfect photo.

    I like your advice–the sooner that a person is honest with himself/herself, the less frustrating any search online will be.

    • Lol Yes, I think in this case you can get away with the sea turtle! 🙂

      Thank you. I do think honesty is one of the best tips anyone can give. Unfortunately, dishonesty is prevalent throughout a lot of profiles, not just in their photo. I’ve read so many How To books that basically tell people to misrepresent themselves in order to attract online daters. There are a million problems with that, but most notably: how can anyone keep up the charade once they’ve met in person? Yes, we’re selling ourselves, but we should have to lie about the product to make a sale. Sigh. Anyway, enough of my rant! lol Thank you so much for commenting and following!

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