While doing research for my book, What They Don’t Tell You About Online Dating (yet to be released), I read a LOT of other books on the subject. The majority of them were How Tos. How to write the perfect profile, how to take the perfect photo, how to write a perfect email, etc. As a result, I’m a database of online dating knowledge.
Recently, my friend Phoebe has been having a hard time in the digital-dating-sphere. She cancelled her Match.com account and is back to Friday nights on the couch. Curious, I took a look at her profile and realized all she needed was a new online dating strategy. And I had a plan.
First things first: Phoebe needed to figure out what she wanted in a match. From her previous dating experiences, I could tell she was all over the place. When I asked her what she was looking for she told me she didn’t have a “type.” So we discussed the difference between having a “type” and knowing what you want. Then I gave her an assignment: write down a list of at least twenty attributes you’re looking for in a partner, from “must haves” to “would be nice.” Secondly, create a list of at least ten deal-breakers.
The purpose of this assignment is to give her a focus. Part of the reason she has been unsuccessful in her dating past, is because she’s dated the wrong types of men. However, she also has to keep in mind that no one is perfect. Which is why I’ve asked her to rank her list by importance. If a guy has the top five attributes on her list of “must haves,” but has one of the “deal-breakers” low on her list, he is probably still worth pursuing.
Over the next several weeks I hope you’ll follow along with us, checking in to see Phoebe’s progress. I hope to prove (or disprove) that there is a method to the madness. I’ll be sharing all the details along the way, and we will find out if following the “how tos” really makes a difference in the Great Big World of Online Dating.