Online Dating: Why Every “Date” Shouldn’t be in Your Pajamas

While reading Data: A Love Story ( an online dating how-to, of sorts), I laughed at the author’s description of sitting at her kitchen table sans makeup, with matted hair and ratty sweats, trying to flirt with men online. The scenario was comical, but how many of us are guilty of the same scene?

Less this...

Less this…

... And more this

… And more this

So what’s the big deal? Dating online, at home, in your ten year-old ratted pajamas with the ice cream stain, no make-up, wayward hair, and a huge glass of wine sounds amazing! Who wouldn’t want to date that way? Besides, no one’s going to see you like that anyway so what does it matter? It doesn’t. Right?

Wrong. At least some of the time.

Sure, you could sit at home in the scenario I described, chatting flirtatiously with some cute guy who works on muscle cars for a living, and quite successfully set up a date for Friday night. But what if you don’t feel very flirtatious? What if you don’t feel attractive or desirable? What if you don’t feel like going on a date Friday night, or any night for that matter?

Sometimes the way we feel comes across in our communication with others. If we feel sexy or appealing, we will come across more confident. However, if we feel unattractive that can come across too. Why am I bringing this up?

I think, at times, online dating can create a certain laziness which doesn’t always translate into successful dates. Since we are home alone (maybe a cat or two) with only our laptops to judge us, we don’t exert any effort. And some times it doesn’t matter, or affect us, but sometimes it does.

So what if the next time you logged on, you treated it as a date? What if you showered, put on something without food stains, and swiped on a little lip gloss before sitting down at your screen? Maybe, just maybe, you’ll feel a little more confident. Maybe you’ll even decide to message that cute lawyer you’ve had your eye on, but have never felt good enough to approach him.

Now, I’m not saying this exercise will cure all your online dating woes, but it might help. Just as women who work from home who actually get dressed in the morning find they have a more productive day, you might have a more productive love life if you treat online dating like you’re dating, instead of ordering a pimple cream off of

Just a thought. Now I think I’m going to go get out of these flannels and take a shower…


2 thoughts on “Online Dating: Why Every “Date” Shouldn’t be in Your Pajamas

  1. I LOVE this post! I really have found that this is true. On the days that I come home and immediately get into my pjs, I have no desire reach out to people online – I just want to relax in front of the tv. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that but when I’m feeling cute and confident, I think it really does come through in the correspondence. Thanks for another great post!

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