The other night I went out with a friend to a new Irish pub that had opened up. After only a few hours of being accosted, as though we had gotten dressed up, drove to the bar, and bought a drink for the sole purpose of being molested by creepy, strange men, I realized (yet again) why so many women turn to online dating.
Here is a brief sampling of the night we had:
Guy 1: I really do own a party bus.
Me: That’s nice.
Guy 1: I’m serious. Here, I’ll prove it.
Not that I cared. But he proceeded to whip out his phone and pull up his photo gallery. I turned to people watch while my friend E was nice enough to humor him… until it happened.
Guy 1: Oh, sorry! I forgot that was in there (referring to a pic of his penis). But now that you’ve seen it, what do you think?
E: I think you need to see a doctor.
He laughed it off, but she was serious and we scrambled to escape.
Guy 2: How tall are you?
Me: Five-seven, but my heels are at least three inches.
Guy 2: Wow, that’s tall. My face only comes up to your boobs, but that’s good if you know what I mean.
No, I don’t. And I don’t want to. Cue awkward smile/grimace as I back away, or rather as E drags me away as quickly as possible.
Guy 3: Girl, you’re so fiiiiine!
Me: Thanks, but I know where you’re going with that, and I have a boyfriend.
Guy 3: Oh, yeah? Well, where is he?
Me: At home.
Guy 3: Then he’s not here, is he? (accompanied by a creepy, salacious grin.)
No, no he’s not. I thought I covered that with “he’s at home.” But regardless, I’m not interested. And I’m especially not interested in cheating, but thanks for implying I’m that kind of girl. That was really sweet of you.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Online dating has its fair share of creepers as well, and some of the parallels are uncanny.
- You’ll still see pics of penises– against your will.
- You can run but you can’t hide– just as the same guy will approach you several times in a bar, some guys will send you multiple messages.
- Shameful pick-up lines are prevalent online– and offline.
- No matter what you say, some men simply don’t care
So how about the differences?
- It’s easier to delete a message than it is to ditch an in-person interaction.
- You can block someone online with one click, while filing for a restraining order is a bit more tricky
- While lurid emails are no fun to read, they’re a little easier to stomach without the perverse expression that goes along with it.
- No one can roofie your drink from inside your computer.
- I’m less likely to want to punch a guy. Okay, not less likely to want to, but not afforded the opportunity.
Conclusion: Online Dating vs. Bar Scene?
Online dating: 1 Bar Scene: 0
While online dating loses to “real life” dating in some arenas, since its proximity to creepers is at a safer distance, it wins this round.