Online Dating: Know the Rules (And the Secrets)

Has that much changed?

Has that much changed?

Ready for a cliché? (Online) dating is a game– so know the rules! That is, if you want to maximize your success. What do I mean by “know the rules?” Well, there are certain strategies that will help you get ahead- the trick is knowing your site, and their little secrets.

  • Have you noticed your profile activity is dwindling? You’ve been on the site for a month or two now, and your profile is viewed less and less often. Chances are, you’re now at the bottom of the search pile. But don’t worry; it’s an easy fix. Add a new photo! Most websites (Match included) will send you to the top of the search if you upload a new photo. The same goes for updating your profile information, but a photo is more of an attention grabber.
  • Sunday is one of the highest trafficking days for online dating, so don’t miss out! Update your profile a little before, then log on so members can see you’re active, maybe even chat!
  • Change up your search criteria. Do you feel like the site keeps showing you the same faces over and over? Your search criteria may be too narrow. Try altering a few details (add or subtract and inch from height, add a few miles to the search radius, subtract a few dollars from income desired) and see what happens. Some sites even allow you to save different search settings so you can alternate searches and mix things up. *If you’re on an algorithm-based site, it’s best to start narrow (so you’re not bombarded with non-matches), then update your info once a month.
  • Make sure you log in at least once a week, even if you don’t have time to search or check your inbox. Many sites allow users to search based on whether or not members have logged in recently. You don’t want to be filtered out because you’ve had a busy week.
  • Dismiss some gender based traditions, such as waiting for the guy to make the first move. Some sites allow women to have an “upgraded” membership for free, while men have to pay for features such as sending an introductory email. You could be waiting on him, while he’s waiting on you. I know it goes against the “norms,” and even your comfort level, but it’s not always wise to wait on the guys.

In the end, online dating is similar to “real” dating– you get what you put in. If you don’t fill out your profile, expect a low response rate, etc. Of course, that doesn’t mean to have to go over-board to “beat the system,” either. But if you know the ins and outs, you can better determine how much time and effort you want to invest. Know you, know your site, then get to know the other members. And have fun. 🙂


3 thoughts on “Online Dating: Know the Rules (And the Secrets)

  1. So I feel that when I chat first on Tinder I get less responses and interest then if I wait and let them message me. I don’t know why it is…
    And how many messages should exchange before giving my phone number? Should I wait for them to ask for it? Any dating advice is much needed I am flunking out over here!

    • Hi! Thanks so much for checking out my blog and for commenting. First off, online dating can really suck at times, but don’t get discouraged! We’ve all been there, and it usually gets better. Personally, I’m with you; I typically wait for a guy to reach out. Call me old-fashioned, whatever, but I like a man who can take initiative. That being said, I have reached out to guys (my ex included), and I think it really depends on the situation, and your personality. When you’re dealing with sites that don’t let you search, sometimes it’s to your advantage to write first, because otherwise you might lose your opportunity. For instance, my ex was in my hidden matches on eHarmony so he might not have ever seen me. However, on apps like Tinder, it’s my understanding that you’re both viewing each other, so it’s okay to hang back and wait. It’s mostly up to your comfort level. The same goes for the number of email messages. Although, my opinion is that it’s best to not exchange more than three, maybe four. You’ve already viewed each other’s profiles, established interest, and the email stage is really just an introduction. You won’t fully know if you have chemistry until you meet in person. Usually, I will let the guy take the lead on transitioning from email to cell. Again, I’m kind of old fashioned. But if it seems like it’s taking a while to get to the digit exchange you can help him out. It can be as simple as, “If it’s easier for you to communicate over the phone, my number is….” Or as bold as, “I’ve really enjoyed exchanging emails and I’d love to chat/text. My number is…” Ultimately, it’s up to your comfort level, and/or what you’re looking for. If you like bold and outgoing men, it may be important for you to see if he can take the reigns. If you’re into shy guys, they made need a little guidance. If you feel like you’re striking out when you make first contact, it could either be 1. they’re not the right guy, so you’re better off, or 2. your intro email needs a little work. Anyway, I hope this (incredibly) long response helps, and keep in touch! I try and post every day (excluding some weekends) and will re-blog other posts with great advice. Keep clicking and putting yourself out there; you never know. 😉

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