Whether we admit it or not, many of us dive into online dating with certain expectations. They go a little something like this,
Up until this point, love hasn’t been working out so well. I’m tired of just waiting around for the right guy to find me. It’s time I take things into my own hands. I’ll sign up for online dating and then I’ll find him! Let’s get this ball rolling.
With our war cry on repeat, we select our battlefield of choice, sometimes with very little thought. Match.com, eHarmony, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder… it doesn’t matter as long as I pick one, and whichever I pick, he will be there waiting…. asleep in Cyber Space like Sleeping Beauty in her castle.
We start the hunt, eager, hopeful, hungry… we click through profiles with voracity, certain he’ll be hiding in the next round of daily matches. Except… he isn’t there. Where is he? We search faithfully for a month or two, never giving up hope. Sometimes love takes time, patience, we tell ourselves. But in our minds “time” is one month, two tops. If we’re really diligent, we may even wait six months. Then in creeps the doubt, the disappointment, and even the anger.
Online dating was supposed to be my sure thing. Why didn’t I find him? Why didn’t it work? The commercials promised me it would work. What’s wrong with me?
Doubt turns into disdain and pretty soon we’re more depressed than when we started. The cure-all has become our disease.
But here is the secret, Friends: online dating isn’t a sure thing. Surely, it will offer up men in spades, and some will even be wonderful, dateable men. Some you may even date. One, you may even fall in love with; you may even get your “happily ever after.” And you may not.
A large, important component to dating in general is timing. Online dating can speed up the process, but it’s still all about timing. And no matter what you do, there are some factors you simply can’t control. But this isn’t meant to discourage you; rather encourage you.
You don’t wait around for love to find you, but you can’t always hunt it down and capture it either. Sometimes you have to live life and leave the rest up to time.
Consider online dating one weapon in your arsenal. It gets you out there, it opens doors. It promises only possibilities. So rejoice in the possibilities, dream, hope and see what happens.