While chatting with Virg about my recent post, Time to get Cheeky, I started thinking about Patti Stranger from Millionaire Matchmaker. She has a rule on her show that she calls, No Sex Before Monogamy. It’s pretty self-explanatory. So here’s my thought process on this (tell me if you follow): can we adapt something similar for online dating?
What if we said something like, No Sexting Before We’re Offline.
Of course, this applies only if you’re looking for a serious relationship. If your intention is to hook up, this won’t really work for you. But I think it’s important for everyone else.
We’ve all been there: chatting with a “nice guy” who is “looking for a relationship” and then…. WHAM! He sends a penis pic. Or more subtly steers the conversation toward sex. Or asks us what we’re wearing. Or if we’re into bondage.
Now, we may not always realize it, but letting the guy take us down this road leads us to Hookup Hilltop, not Relationship Ridge. Obviously, I can’t claim that sexting before meeting will never lead to a relationship, nor can Patti claim that sex before monogamy always leads to a breakup. However, it does set the right precedent, and let’s the guy know you’re serious, and have standards (not to mention self-respect). That can’t be a bad thing, right?
My friend E argues with this all the time. “I’m just a really sexual person,” she says. “I can’t help a sexual text or two, it’s just who I am.” Look, I get that she likes sex. Most people do. But you have to know when to lay down that card. Most (I say most) men aren’t thinking long-term if they’re already sexting you before you even meet. Sure, you can risk it, and see how it goes, but why not help yourself out? Don’t sabotage yourself before you even get started. Especially if you’re still texting more than one person.
So ladies, let’s say no to sexting. At least until we’ve seen the whites of their eyes.
Hmm… intriguing… I wonder if it’s worth a watch?